1. I never make the same mistake twice. I make it like five or six times, you know, just to be sure.
2. When I get to work, I first hide. Because a good worker is hard to find.
3. Communicating with a toddler is difficult. It's like trying to explain what color the number 4 smells like...
4. What's a queen without her king? Well, historically speaking, more powerful.
5. You come from dust and you will return to dust. That's why I don't dust. It could be someone I know.
6. And so ends another week without me becoming unexpectedly rich.
7. My life is a struggle of constantly wanting to go out and have fun with people and also simultaneously trying to avoid all human contact.
8. Thou shall not try me. - Mood 24:7
9. We're all brave in our own way. For example, I am not afraid of raw cookie dough.
10. The awkward moment when you're wearing nike's and you can't do it.
11. Cupcakes are muffins that believed in miracles.
12. I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.
13. Some people call me crazy. I prefer the term happy with a twist.
14. If we're not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?
15. If you wanna impress me with your car, it better be a food truck.
16. I don't have ducks. They are not in a row. I have squirrels. They are at a rave.
17. I'd agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.
18. Some days I amaze myself. Other days I look for my phone while I'm talking on it.
19. I wish people came with a 30 second trailer. So I can see what I'm getting myself into.