I often have anxiety. I don't mean attacks. The room doesn't start spinning, get smaller, or cease to exist. I just often have moments of discomfort caused by a feeling of inadequacy. I learned at a very young age how to keep composure. That there is a time, place, and company for certain expression. A lesson, I believe, everyone should learn. Over the years I have studied my personality. I have tried to come to some kind of conclusion as to what stereotypes elucidate my behavior. So many do.
I am an extrovert. The extrovert definition according to Google is an outgoing, overtly expressive person. Possibly to my own demise. I find my curiosity too often peeked by things I don't understand. My ambition too often easily persuaded and my intuition too often overpowered by my confidence. Don't pity me, there's a point to this confession. I recently started reading a book called The Upside of Your Darkside by Scott Kaufman. A book dedicated to explain why we should embrace the parts of our personality that we often feel should be shamed. Considering I haven't finished this book, I won't leave you with some poetic revelation about how my eyes have been opened, but I will admit that this concept is intriguing.
Extroverts often experience moments where the options consists of catering to the situation or catering to themselves. Seldom do we cater to the actual situation, but instead, become it. As if we have some sort of spotlight complex that causes us to become the most selfish-selfless person in the room. This is my comfort zone.
Scott Kaufman says that people often focus to much on being comfortable. Well, of course. At some point in history chasing happiness turned into chasing comfort. We no longer accept the battles, but instead the surrender. We've decided to find flaw in people doing things in a different manor. Possibly, in a desperate attempt to find comfort in what we are doing ourselves. We're human. It's ok, right? That's a thought for another day.
"At some point in history chasing happiness turned into chasing comfort."
Let me explain why I am intrigued. I am intrigued by the idea that my selfish-selflessness could benefit me. That my contradicting anxiety could be crucial to my future. Maybe it takes ropes puling in different directions to hold something in place. When they are crissed and crossed it often calls for a stronger hold. I am intrigued because once again, it is a new perspective.
I often used the word "often" in this piece. After all, it is consistency that created these personalties. I also used this word to imply a separation between the present and "always". There is room to consider a different perspective.
I wrote this blog for people like me. Creatives with dreams and contradicting personalities stuck at that fork in the road. One direction being adaptation and the other being the option to create your own way. I encourage you to do the latter. I encourage you to study your personality and find a new perspective for the characteristics that you define as negative.
What would you consider yourself to be? Introvert or Extrovert? How has this helped/harmed you? Leave a comment below.